Iris
by Faegirl
Summary: Suicidal Themes BakuraRyou, sort of. You'll see. Songfic to Goo Goo Dolls' 'Iris'. Bakura loves Ryou, but Ryou is completely oblivious. I'm horrible at summaries
1. Default Chapter

Draga: Hello, folks! I was formerly (and am still usually) known as Fae, just so you know. Draga is now going to be the name that I use when writing songfics. I hope you enjoy; I'm gonna try and write this all in one sitting.

_And I'd give up forever to touch you  
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow  
_

If it meant being able to touch you; embrace you, caress your face, I'd give it all up. I'd give away forever if I could, if I could only touch you. I know you would feel it; you're very perceptive like that. You look up at me with your chocolate eyes.

"Yami (Bakura; they are at Ryou's house, so Ryou calls him 'yami')? Are you all right? You look distant," you say to me, concern tingeing your voice. I smirk slightly, at how oblivious you are.

"I'm fine, Ryou. It's getting late; you should go get into bed." You nod at me, smiling, your russet eyes sparkling. You wander off into your room, and I know that you'll be asleep soon.

About ten minutes later, I go in to check on you. You've got such a peaceful look on your face; it takes all my willpower not to lie down and sleep next to you. I can't stop myself from sitting lightly beside you, however.

_You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be  
And I don't want to go home right now  
_

I realize that I'll never be this close to you while you are awake, and this saddens me slightly. I smile wistfully; you're the only heaven I've got. I don't want to leave yet; but I know I should head off to bed soon. I don't want to; I'd much rather stay here, frozen in this moment with you.

_And all I can taste is this moment  
And all I can breathe is your life  
_

I can't resist; I lean downward, closer and closer to your face. I pause for a moment, looking at you. I finally close the rest of the gap, placing a soft, innocent kiss on your lips that no one would expect me to possess. I pull away, so that I'm only inches from your face. You taste so... innocent, I realize, licking my lips. Yes, I know this can't be classified as a taste, but it's true. I take a deep breath, breathing in your scent. You smell like life, and timidity. It's amazing; I had never noticed before. I smile at you; you're pouting now.

_'Cause sooner or later it's over  
I just don't want to miss you tonight_

I sigh and stand up slowly, so that I don't disturb you. I tell myself to stop. I'm just torturing myself, and it can't be good for me. I walk slowly over to the doorway, stopping once more to turn and look at you. I smile sadly; my self-torture session is over. I just... I don't want to miss you tonight. And, as I return to my cold, dark, unwelcoming room, I realize that I'll always miss you, because you don't see me as I see you.

_And I don't want the world to see me  
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

"Bakura? Are you going to come to the mall with us today?" you inquire, as you do every time you and your friends are going somewhere.

"No," I respond, not looking up from my book. I can tell that you're pouting again. I sigh, and tear my eyes away from the page.

"You know that they wouldn't understand me. I've faced enough rejection in my life; I don't need more now," I tell you. You sigh now, and turn to leave.

"I know. If you change your mind, we'll be there, though." With that, you leave, and I look sadly back down at my book.

_When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am_

About three hours later, I hear a car outside. I go to the window and look; it's you and your friends. I see you and Yugi get out. I don't know why he got out as well. I notice something; your hands are locked. I pale, and I see you exchange goodbyes with him. When I think that you're finally going to come inside, you turn around toward him, and lean in. You give him a chaste, innocent kiss on the lips, and pull away, smiling at him. I turn away and walk into my room; I don't want to see you right now.

_  
_  
_And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming  
Or the moment of truth in your lies  
_

I feel my eyes water, yet no tears fall. I think I may have forgotten how to cry after all these years. I wouldn't doubt it. I hear the door close; I blink away my unshed tears to clear my eyes. My vision won't clear, however.

"Bakura?" you call from the foyer. "I'm home! I have great news to tell you!" You come into my room, and smile at me. "Guess what?"

I already know, but I fake-smile back and play dumb. "What?"

"Yugi asked me out tonight! I'm so happy; we have a date Friday night," you tell me enthusiastically. My fake-smile widens.

"I'm happy for you!" I tell you, and think 'But completely hateful of myself.' Your smile widens as well.

"Thanks, Bakura. I'm going to head off to bed; good night." You wait for a response, but I don't give you one. You turn and leave, and I shut my door behind you.

_When everything feels like the movies_

_Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive_

I sigh again. I seem to be doing that a lot lately. This reminds me of a movie you made me watch once; I can't remember the name of it, though. I had no interest in it then. If only I could remember how the problem was solved...

I walk across my room and sit on my bed. I feel completely numb; I can't tell if I'm alive or not. I lift two fingers to my neck to check for a pulse, but I'm too numb and too depressed to feel one. I pull my fingers away, an idea popping into my sadistic mind. I reach under my bed and pull out one of my knives. I'm thankful it was a sharp one, and I raise it to the light to see it better.

The silver-white metal feels cool to the touch, and the edge shines almost malevolently. I bring it down to my arm. I make a clean slice across the top of my arm; I wouldn't cut my wrist. I see the red, life-sustaining substance and wonder why I can't feel it. Why I can't feel the pain that should be there. But, it continues to flow, which assures me that I am indeed alive. I place the knife down and lie back on my bed.

_When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am  
_  
I suppose everything is made to be broken; everything, including hearts. Mine isn't just broken, however; it's shattered. You don't know who I am, you never have, and you never will. I contemplate leaving the world of the living right now; it would make life for everyone else so much easier. I nod, and pick up the blade again. I bring it down to rest on my wrist; I don't push down yet. I don't feel the trickle of blood down my arm from my previous cut. I take a deep breath, and-

Draga: -And I'm going to stop right here! I love cliffies. Please review!


	2. Chapter 2

Draga: I'm back again. Bakura's POV; and I don't own anything except the plot, I forgot to mention that in the last chapter.

-And before I can dig the sharp blade into my skin, you fling open the door, looking panicked. By the look worried look on your face, I'd guess you've been knocking for a bit. I stop my action, just barely cutting into my skin. Your eyes widen into a frightened look, and I feel almost guilty. You rush over, and grab the knife, now colored red with my blood, from my hand.

"Bakura! What the bloody hell are you doing?" you yell, still looking frightened. I shrug.

"Does it matter?" I ask you in return, and I can see that my response caught you slightly off guard.

"It bloody well does matter!" you exclaim, putting the knife on my bookshelf. "Are you… trying to commit... suicide?" you ask, your voice a decrescendo, getting more quiet with each syllable. By the time 'suicide' comes out of your mouth, your tone is no more than a soft whisper. You've turned your eyes to the floor.

"Yes," I admit matter-of-factly. I shrug slightly, then stand from my bed to grab the knife. I don't care if you're standing there or not; I'm not going to bother the world with my presence any longer. I reach for the blade, but you pull it away from me, eyes narrowing.

"Why?" For some reason, your eyes flash angrily, something else floating in your russet orbs as well, but I can't place it.

"Because it's completely obvious that no one would care if I died, so I might as well rid them of me!" I blow up, my eyes flashing more so than yours. Your eyes widen again, and you put the blade down once more. Suddenly, you begin crying, and throw yourself at me with such force that I fall back onto my bed again. Your arms are locked around my waist, face buried into my chest. I pull you up so that you're sitting on my lap and hug you back.

"Shh, hikari, it's alright." I begin to stroke your hair absently. "Calm down."

"Calm down?" you mumble. "Calm down? You're trying to commit suicide and I'm supposed to calm down?" You look at me; your voice was doing that crescendo thing again. You look torn between burying your face back into my shirt and crying your eyes out, and slapping me across the face for being so stupid. You opt for the former, however, and go back to crying. You've leaned back into my chest; I can feel my shirt dampening.

"Ryou..." I whisper sadly. I bury my face into your hair in what I hope seems like a platonic gesture as you continue to shed tears. I want to reach down and tilt your head toward my face, and wipe them all away. I feel terrible, since I don't want to be the reason for your tears. "Please don't cry." You pull away from me and look at me, astonished.

"Don't cry?" you choke out. "How can you expect me not to? You were going to die and you expect me not to cry?" you ask hysterically.

"Hikari-"

"Promise me you won't ever do something like this again!" you demand, looking into my eyes.

"Hikari-"

"Promise me." I sigh, nodding.

"I promise." You smile at me, and I feel my heart melt all over again. You've stopped crying; that's good. "Now go get some sleep; you're meeting your friends tomorrow," I remind you. You nod, standing, and heading for the door. As an after thought, you grab my knife and leave, closing the door behind you. You don't trust me very much, do you? I suppose the word of a five-thousand-year-old tomb-robber isn't enough to be trusted.

I lay back down, looking at my still-bleeding arm. I swear, realizing how deep a cut I must have made for all the blood gushing. I swear, pushing myself back up and remembering how hard it is to remove bloodstains. I leave my room, having to find some way to stop the flow.

I walk into the bathroom, shaking my head at my stupidity. I notice that, even now, all I can feel is a slight tingle where there should be a good deal of pain. I open the medicine cabinet where we keep the first aid kit…

…remembering that I used up the last of it a week before. I knew that at this rate I would bleed to death, and something had to be done. The hospital was only a few miles away; I could walk there.

I leave the bathroom, and knock on Ryou's door softly. Hearing no response, I just say into the wood, "I need to go to the hospital. I'll be back later." This gets a rise out of you. You fling open the door, glaring.

"I'll call an ambulance. You'll bleed to death if you walk there," you point out. Damn, you know me too well. "And after I call, you'll let me see exactly what you did."

You disappear past me and into the other room, where you presumably call the hospital. I'm not really sure… everything goes black, and I hear myself say "love", calling out for you to help me as I hit the ground, unconscious.

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